Dummy's guide to getting a Passport

My country loves me. I feel like the luckiest man on earth. It has been proved beyond doubt how much India would hate to let me go. The amount of hurdles they put in my path before I could even submit my passport application makes me wonder if India truly does care about her children.

You would think that with 1 Billion people, the government would be more than happy to see people leave the country. But no. I am the one who has to pay them 1000 bucks to even consider leaving.

Well me and my parents spent the better part of a month figuring out a way to apply for a passport and here are the steps anyone has to take :

1) Consider whether it is truly worth that much effort.

2) If you are really sure, go to the passport office website where you will get a .pdf file to be printed.

3) Spend the better part of a week in searching for documents like your grandfather's school leaving certificate, your great grandfather's marriage certificate and your own sanity certificate.

4) Fill up the form and go to the post office to submit it, only to be told that you first need to register your name online and then print the form.

5) Tear up everything you have in frustration.

6) Shoot yourself in the head.

7) If the above step was not carried out satisfactorily, do it again.

8) If you have still not died, go register online and print the form again.

9) Gather all your documents again and stand in line at the post office where the lady tells you to fill another form.

10) After filling up the form give it to her. That's her cue to frown at you and say "Fees Bharo".

11) Get the receipt, jump up in joy.

12) Yell out loud "YES YES YES!!!!!" and watch as 4 people in the line behind you leave for home thinking, "I am never leaving India................... ever."